“Set Yourself Free” by Ralph Marston"

---"There is no outside force holding you back. You are holding you back and you are blaming it on someone or something else. The way you are able to continue holding yourself back is by maintaining the illusion that you're a victim. Once you realize that illusion, you will naturally and easily move forward. In fact, it is easier to fulfill your best possibilities than it is to avoid them. So let go of the blame and watch the limitations drop away. Certainly there will always be challenges that hold you back. For each challenge provides you with a pathway through which you can move toward fulfillment. It is your very nature to accomplish. Lovingly accept your destiny, and allow that accomplishment to be manifest through you. Set yourself free to follow your purpose. Set yourself free to truly live."

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

VLCD 15 (2nd post today)

No weigh-in until tomorrow morning but I just had to share with you guys that ..... I GOT THE JOB!!

I was in shock today when my soon-to-be new director told me. He came by and I was on the phone so I called him up after and said that I had seen him come by and asked what I could do for him. He said to come down to his office and that's when he told me. I think I'm happy but really not too sure. A promotion is what I've been working for all these years but I really think the extra weight really affected my self perception and my confidence and also how I came across to other people. I know I'm by no means "thin" or "skinny" yet but 195 looks good on me and I think losing this 35 pounds so far has made a huge difference in a lot of areas of my life. I've mastered getting under 200 which has been an unreachable goal for so long.

It's funny that I haven't been feeling well the past few days with the sunburn and all and on the day of the interview I had to rush to the washroom and almost didn't make it just 10 minutes before the interview. I kept thinking that I would be late showing up and the interview panel woudl be sitting there waiting for me and I would be stuck in the washroom. Oh well. It went great beyond my expectations anyways. The director told me today that he was so extremely impressed with me that he doesn't think he could have done any better himself. My confidence level has gone so upwards because of this. Although it won't be a big salary increase what it does do is put me into the next salary bracket where the maximum is 25K higher than the bracket I'm in now. It will be a while but I can only go up in salary from here.

At the same time, even though my confidence has gone up that they *picked* me, I'm still scared to death of the change and what it entails. I am a good worker but I'm not sure of this new director and his style. I've always had a great working relationship that isn't militaristic or hierarchical with any other manager I've had. But with this person, I'm not too sure. He seems a little "old school" but I figure I need to take this leap. It's not my *dream* job but I'm sure it will open new doors for new opportunites.

Sorry to blabber on about this. I'm just so happy. And I think this weight loss journey has played a big part in getting to this point. I did everything right in the past in terms of working hard and networking and getting really good reviews but I really think I was lacking the confidence to get noticed for a promotion. The weight loss so far has put a lot more things into perspective for me.

Thanks ladies for all your support. It means so so much to me. I'm sending good loss or stabilitzing vibes to everyone.

VLCD 15 ( R2 P2 ) : 195.9

Still dealing with the bad sunburn. It's no joke that when I touch my skin it still feels hot. It's extremely uncomfortable but I'm dealing with it. The sunburn has stalled the weight loss a bit I think. It's either that or the massive amount of afterburn cream I slathered onto my arms and shoulders. I'm staying on protocol strictly but I'm sooooo tired in the mornings and bitchy when I come home in the evening because I'm so tired. I think I'll start taking the B12 tablets again.

I went for another job interview yesterday which woudl mean a promotion. I'm not sure if I even will like the job (it's similar to what I'm doing now). However, it will mean going up into the next salary bracket and I guess in order to get there I may need to take a leap and see where it brings me.

I am terribly afraid of change. I'd rather be miserable in familiar territory than to leave behind what I know. It's not in all cases but particularly true in my work life. I'll find out tomorrow if I get the job or not. We'll see. I wanted the previous job that I had applied for more than this one but I'm a huge believer in you'll end up where you're meant to be in that particular time and place.

I feel skinny today. I know at 195 pounds it's not but I think I look good. It's weird how depending upon what you wear some days you just feel thinner. I had my photo taken for my season pass card at the water park this past Sunday and I didn't recognize myself when I looked at the pic. No more chinnage action going on and my face looks quite slim. That's a good feeling. Now if I could just lose the stomach.