“Set Yourself Free” by Ralph Marston"

---"There is no outside force holding you back. You are holding you back and you are blaming it on someone or something else. The way you are able to continue holding yourself back is by maintaining the illusion that you're a victim. Once you realize that illusion, you will naturally and easily move forward. In fact, it is easier to fulfill your best possibilities than it is to avoid them. So let go of the blame and watch the limitations drop away. Certainly there will always be challenges that hold you back. For each challenge provides you with a pathway through which you can move toward fulfillment. It is your very nature to accomplish. Lovingly accept your destiny, and allow that accomplishment to be manifest through you. Set yourself free to follow your purpose. Set yourself free to truly live."

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Day 11 ( R1 P 3 ) : 201.3

I hate having to post this number. I thought I was staying on track. I had caesar salad last night (no croutons) but hardly any protein with it. Maybe that's why. I'm 2.5 pounds over LIW and I'll probably see a higher number tomorrow. Sorry for this negative post - just have to vent. I had a shitty day with a capital "S".

I had my daugther's 7th birthday today at a gymnastics club and there was icecream cake. I had a piece and then when I came home had two more pieces of the leftovers. My husband pissed me off so badly and the party was going horribly and I gave in to eating to deal with the stress. For breakfast I had two boiled eggs, 3 pieces of bacon and 2 sausages. At the party I had one hotdog (no bun) and then I gave in to the cake. The party was from 12-2 and at noon my husband said he would go get the ketchup we forgot for the hotdogs I brought to the party and come right back and we would then decide where to order the pizza. He left me alone with a 2 year old and 14 other children and just took off and didn't show up again until 1:30. He brought back one pizza and the lunch started at 1 and he just strolled in with the one pizza at 1:30 like nothing happened. He thought because he had packed and unpacked the car that his work was done and he didn't need to do anything else. I don't know why it pissed me off so badly but I was so angry with him. I think I was already so frustrated with see the 200 number again that I said screw this and just ate the cake. Then this afternoon I had two pieces of bread with peanut butter and sugar free jam. We had a huge fight after the party and then the blame game started and all the stuff about the finances and how I don't know how to use money properly even though I'm the one that has the responsibility of paying the bills and keeping everything a float. I'm so ashamed to say that I threw the left-over hotdogs at him and the baby was asleep in the car while I did this and then he just opened the door and threw everthing out onto the road. So embarassing. So I don't know if it's hormonal or what but I know it is ovulation time so maybe that's it. But I don't know what to do now if I should just do a steak day tomorrow and try to recover from the possible weight gain.

Sorry for this depressing post and thanks for reading this far if you are still reading this. I have to get my moods under control and not let things get me so pissed off. I should have just taken care of ordering everything myself and left him there with the kids.