“Set Yourself Free” by Ralph Marston"

---"There is no outside force holding you back. You are holding you back and you are blaming it on someone or something else. The way you are able to continue holding yourself back is by maintaining the illusion that you're a victim. Once you realize that illusion, you will naturally and easily move forward. In fact, it is easier to fulfill your best possibilities than it is to avoid them. So let go of the blame and watch the limitations drop away. Certainly there will always be challenges that hold you back. For each challenge provides you with a pathway through which you can move toward fulfillment. It is your very nature to accomplish. Lovingly accept your destiny, and allow that accomplishment to be manifest through you. Set yourself free to follow your purpose. Set yourself free to truly live."

Monday, August 9, 2010

VLCD 22 ( R2 P2 ): 199.8

It's not 200 but close. Today is day 5 of TOM. On Friday night I got home and was so tired but we brought my 7 year old to her soccer game and I ate P2 clean. I went immediately to bed after that. Saturday I was still very lethargic and was trying to clean my house for the in-laws' arrival on Sunday. I had that *am I about to throw up feeling* and a sore throat all day and didn't eat anything. I had not injected since Wednesday. The mistake I made was waking up Saturday evening absolutely starving and the kids wanted my time after being with dad all day and it was dinner time. I took them to the park and then for a slice of pizza. I ate a slice of pizza with them. Sunday morning I woke up to a gain and then thought wth - since my inlaws are coming I might as well enjoy the dinner out with them. They arrived late and we ended up going to a Chinese buffet instead of the restaurant down town. Then after that I went to the drug store for Tylenol and bought a chocolate bar x2. This morning I had wicked heartburn and the sad thing is that nothing I ated tasted good. It was all *blah* with no real taste at all. I don't know if I'm sick or what but the food was not *enticing* like it used to be. It just all tasted bland and I was full right away after eating not too much.

I injected this morning and have 18 injections left. I declined lunch out today for a co-worker's celebratory good wishes for her transfer to another department. If she was leaving the company I would go but she's still in the building and I will still see her often. But, I don't want to try to find something P2 to eat at the Texan food restaurant - they're all going to Lone Star - fajitas, enchilladas etc., chips and salsa etc.

So with 18 injections left (counted them this morning), I am putting up the steel curtain zone of committment ( i adapted this term from the blog Daily Diary of a Winning Loser). I don't like to be depressing on this blog but I started writing for the accountability and want to be honest about my journey. Life has it's ups and downs and even though I felt *down* and still do (it's hormonal) and tired and worn out, I will not quit.