“Set Yourself Free” by Ralph Marston"

---"There is no outside force holding you back. You are holding you back and you are blaming it on someone or something else. The way you are able to continue holding yourself back is by maintaining the illusion that you're a victim. Once you realize that illusion, you will naturally and easily move forward. In fact, it is easier to fulfill your best possibilities than it is to avoid them. So let go of the blame and watch the limitations drop away. Certainly there will always be challenges that hold you back. For each challenge provides you with a pathway through which you can move toward fulfillment. It is your very nature to accomplish. Lovingly accept your destiny, and allow that accomplishment to be manifest through you. Set yourself free to follow your purpose. Set yourself free to truly live."

Friday, March 19, 2010

VLCD 26 ( R1 P2) : 207.5

The scale didn't want to give a consistent reading this morning. I went with the amount that showed up the most times and I checked on the scale in the other bathroom and that gave the same reading. So...it's 207.5.

I feel relieved today. I wrote my final exam last night and it was extremely tough. It was three essay questions of one hour each and I ran out of time near the end. I couldn't have extra time as the exam was proctored and they announced when there was only 5 minutes remaining. I don't even know if the last essay was coherent. I was skipping all over the pages trying to add in lost last minute info to try to get some extra points.

I had lean steak twice yesterday with onions. I'm considering that it is "beef" as per the protocol. It tasted divine. I'm going to do injections for 13 more days. It seems like it's been forever. I went to Eddie Bauer yesterday afternoon with the baby so that she could play in the playland that they have there. I tried on a beautiful blue trenchcoat. The lady showed me where the mirror was. I told her I'd try it first to see if I fit and if it didn't I wouldn't need the mirror. I tried on the XL and it buttoned but was slightly tight. It did not fall right. Opened it was perfect but I wanted it to look right buttoned. I tried on the XXL in black and white and it was a good fit, slightly big but I want the XL. It's strange the thoughts that go through your head. I was really expecting her to come over and see me trying on the coat and say "sorry but we don't sell clothes here big enough to fit you". In my head, I think that everyone sees me as huge and I've always been intimidated to shop in "regular" non-plus size stores even thought this store does carry XL and XXL but the sizes run smaller than a regular XL or XXL would in plus size stores. I am going to go back to that store once a week and try on that coat if they still have it there and see if some more reducing on the stomach makes a difference. I would be estatic if I could fit into the large. We'll see. But I really have to get over this self-image I have but it's been with me for so long - not good enough, not smart enough, and always the fat girl. Somethings to think about.

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