VLCD 5 ( R2 P2 ) : 197.0

Still drinking * a lot* of water. I think I'm going to float away.

Strange observation: I think my foot has shrunk a size. Is that possible? All my shoes that don't have a strap are too big now. I almost broke my leg when I was walking and my foot slipped out of my shoe. I went to the mall last night with the baby (not a wise decision) but anyways saw a pair of leopard print high heels on sale for a ridiculously low price. I was dissapointed when I saw they only had a size 9 because I've always been a size 10. Well I tried them on and they fit. I tried on a 10 in few more pairs and they were way too big. But if they were high heel sandals with an adjustable strap then they fit. So I bought the leopard heels as a present from me to me. I'm so fascinated with shoes lately. I never used to pay too much attention to my footwear before but now I have a thing with buying sexy looking shoes. Something about having on a pair of shiny heels that makes me feel so good. I think it's because I'm wearing skirts and dresses more whereas before I would NEVER wear them on a regular basis.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Sending good loss or stabilization vibes to you guys.

VLCD 4 ( R2 P2 ) : 197.7

Finally - it's my first pound lost in a new round. I feel good and no real hunger. The cravings are still there but manageable. I feel at such a better place emotionally. The issues are still there and I am working on fixing them. One step at a time. Hormones affect my mood and outlook drastically.

I don't know what phase the moon is in but yesterday I had two requests for interviews. The director that reposted the position because he wanted to find a Spanish speaking person came to see me yesterday and said I'm screened in and won't have to do another interview this round. I don't get it but I think he's keeping me on the back burner just in case he doesn't find *that* person. It's time for a change in my work life and there are a couple of irons in the fire but for now I'm blooming where I'm planted.

VLCD 3 ( R2 P 2) : 199.5

Back to onederland again. I have been drinking *alot* of water.

I had a conversation yesterday with someone about hcg spray. She said it is most likely giving me a placebo effect and that I should go back on injections. I did prefer injections but living in Canada, it's extremely hard to receive your package without it being confiscated or returned by customs.

I ordered the spray off ebay back in January. The person I spoke with yesterday said that I have no guarantee of what's in the spray bottle. I don't know. I feel the same as I did on R1 when I used injections. I'm a little less hungry this round but the cravings are worse. So I don't know. The ebay seller has a 100% satisfaction rating but maybe that's just for shipping and receipt satisfaction and not for satisfaction with the actual product. Maybe people who ordered the spray and started the protocol think they just quit the diet and not because of the quality of the spray.

I should not have had that conversation because now I'm wondering if it really is just a placebo effect with the spray this round. But I don't think I woudl be able to function on just 500 calories if the spray did not have the essence of hcg in it.

Anyways, I'm happy with my progress and will keep on truckin'.

VLCD 2 ( R2 P2 ): 200.7

Hi everyone. I've got my mojo back. It was last Thursday that I got off protocol with that damned pizza but today it's chicken breast and vegetables for lunch. Thanks everyone for your supportive comments.

I'd like to leave a comment for Zak at http://putthedamnforkdown.blogspot.com/?zx=4cf787c36f70f051 . If you happen to read this Zak - your comments aren't turned on.

Starting Over - VLCD 1 ( R2 P2 ) : 203.2

Back on the HCG train. Using hcg spray. Chicken and veggies for lunch and the same for dinner. Had 4 protocol approved breadsticks together as a snack. It didn't seem to do any damage on the scale.

What should be Day 11 VLCD R2 P2 (202.4)

I have lost my mojo, fallen off the wagon , whatever you want to call it. I'm at 202.4. What I have determined is that midcycle is very diffiucult for me emotionally. The hormones are flying and if things aren't going well, then I turn to food.

I found out Wednesday that I didn't get the job I was so sure that I was going to. I was definitely in the running but the director told me that he's reposting the job because he thinks that he needs someone that speaks either Spanish or Arabic in order to secure more bilateral agreements with SouthAmerican or Middle Eastern countries. WTF??? Speaking English, French and having education and loads of experience isn't good enough. I was sick of the "climbing the corporate ladder" bullshit and I said screw this. I'll stay in the department I'm in and refocus. The new job would have entailed travelling which would have been nice but realistically it might not be that practicial right now. The next day (Thursday) I had a major binge. It started with buying two pieces of pizza at lunch. Then I had a chocolate bar and a donut. Then for dinner I went to McDonald;s, then had two icecreams and finished that off with a bag of easter candy I found that I had forgotten I bought. I am so ashamed - it must be about 5000 calories (or more??) that I ate that day. It's this type of behaviour that got me fat in the first place. Don't want to depress everyone - I just want to be accountable because that's part of this whole journey.

Today I am going to eat reasonably but off protocol and get prepared to start P2 again. I am going to cut all my vegetables and cook my chicken and shrimp. That's what I did not do this time - I didn't put the preparation in. I have to realize what's important here and that's getting the rest of this weight off. I seem to "carry" weight well as it is evenly proportioned and most people woulf not guess right now that I am not over 200. Well I am and I can see it especially without clothes. My own husband doesn't even know what I weigh - I've always been too ashamed to tell him. He says to me "...well now that you weigh about 180 you can't give up. You have to keep going." He has no clue. I got too caught up in the "well I've lost 32.5" pounds and am getting compliments so this round will be easier. Well it isn't. I am using the spray this time instead of the injections. I have definitely noticed that using the spray I am not hungry when I am strictly on protocol. Whereas with the injections I was madly hungry the first week of P2. With the spray there is no hunger but the cravings are wild and maddening.

My pity party is over. I need to deal with the life setbacks in a much different way. I turned to what I know best and a lot of it is hormonally charged.

VLCD 8 ( R2 P2 ) : 199.7

Back to the land of 100. Have only lost 1 pound since Sunday morning but I attribute it to not drinking enough water. I also had a lean ground beef bbq hamburger on Sunday that I did not weigh- I'm sure it was over 100 grams so that could have caused issues.

It's so hot here with the humidity. It's record breaking temperatures this week. I need new clothes but don't have the money to buy a bunch right now. I'm trying to make do with what I have but I don't have as many "hot weather" clothes to make do with. I want to lose more weight before I buy a few more new things. My upper arms are still not "tank top friendly" so I have to up the strength training.

According to BMI calculations my ideal weight should be 145 pounds for my height of 5'4. I'm trying to visualize what I will look like at 145. I don't fully picture it yet.