VLCD 47: 198.6 ( R1 P2)

WOW! 198.6. I have not seen below 200 in at least 17 years. It's funny- when I look in the mirror I still see the same person. I need to change that. I think the vision I had in my head even when I was as big as 269 in the year 2000 was of a much smaller person - the image in my head didn't match reality. I only realized how big I was when I saw a pic of myself and then quickly got rid of the pic or hid it away. Then I just kept on eating and wishing I could be thin.

There's a lot of emotions that come withreaching this new territory. A big fear is not being able to keep the weight off and regaining. I have a LOT of stress in my life - work, finances, marital relationship issues that need to be worked out but it feels like conquering the weight is the best thing that I can do for myself first and then maybe everthing else will get easier from there.

This morning was my last injection. I am thinking of possibly continuing P2 for a bit longer with the homeopathic drops that I ordered back in January that were held up in customs for so long but arrived after I had ordered the injections. It doesn't appear that I have become immune so it's just something that I'm considering. I would like to have a little more of a threshold between the +/- 2 LIW. I don't want to ever see the 200 number again. Will decide soon - I've been reading some blogs where people do continue with the drops but I know my body will soon need a break and a move to P3. I've been looking foward to having cheese for a while now. It's been a long haul but so worth it. Knowing that I only have less than 50 pounds to go is such a good feeling. It's manageable. I don't think I would ever be able to reach less than 150 but 150 at 5'4 is a good ideal weight for me to strive for.

VLCD 46: 200.9 ( R1 P2 )

The scale freaked me out this morning. When I first stepped on, it said "199.6" I thought WTH??? I was so happy. I pulled my pj's back on and ran downstairs to get my camera because I wanted a pic of my first long-awaited milestone. When I came back up and weighed again, it said 200.9. I never trust the first display the scales gives me. Every morning I check it three times and then move it to another spot and try another two times just to be sure. So it repetitively said "200.9". I'll accept that but am leaving my camera on the counter in the bathroom just so I can be prepared.

I went to a potluck this morning at 11am for my daughter's year-end ringette get-together. I brought a greek salad with chicken ( I bought it from a Greek restaurant) and a plate of bakery bought chocolate chip cookies. I took the cookies out of the container and piled them onto a nice glass bevelled plate so it would look like they were home-made. I wanted to look like I had put some effort in even though the only effort was sending my husband to the bakery counter at the grocery store. I took some salad out of the bowl before we went to the potluck and put it into a small glass tupperware. I wanted to make sure I had something to eat there and didn't want to touch the salad once I put the Greek vinigrette dressing on it just it case it had sugar in it. So I ate that with some Walden Farms dressing and picked at the veggie platter there and had a few spoonfuls of chilli. I think that was a mistake because as we were leaving I had the worst stomach cramps and had to drive over the speed limit just to get home in time to rush to the bathroom. Sorry - TMI. But that concerned me that my body would react that way.

So looking forward to seeing what the scales says tomorrow. My last injection day is tomorrow. 47 days has been a long haul....

VLCD 45: 202 ( R1 P2 )

I'm keepin' on truckin'. I was a little concerned if I would gain anything today because last night we had St. Hubert's take-out rotisserie chicken. (It's a Canadian franchise). I took all the skin off but didn't weight the chicken breast. Then before I knew it I had eaten the coleslaw. I didn't even think about. I looked up the nutritional value on their website and there's very little sugar in it so I think that's why I didn't gain. Unless a gain is waiting to show up tomorrow?? But I'm happy with the 202. Only 3 pounds to go to reach the first milestone.

Just curious if anyone had the post-pregnancy stomach and if it just shrunk and flattened as you lost more weight. I notice that yes, my stomach has definitely reduced but the fat/skin is getting very soft and loose and wrinkly looking. Will this ever go away??

VLCD 44 : 203.5 ( R1 P2 )

Down one pound. My last injection will be Sunday. I am researching all the awesome P3 recipes that I can try out. I must admit that today is hard. I feel really cold and have the chills. I am hungry. Every Thursday they sell NewYork style pizza downstairs in the rotunda and the smell is amazing. I have to buy my lunch today and the plan is to get an open faced "sandwich" no bread. Just a chicken breast, tomatoes, cucumbers, onions and mustard on the side. It will fill the hunger hole but why do I have to keep thinking about the damned pizza??? I know it's because I'm hungry so I'm gonna have lunch early. Days like this - just shoot me now. I just keep repeating in my head 199, 199, 199 and then on to P3.

VLCD 43 : 204.5 ( R1 P2 ) injection

Lost 3.4 pounds yesterday. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be to get right back on track but going off plan just isn't worth it. I don't have any physical cravings but the mental cravings are hard.

I'm just 2 pounds away from the lowest weight so far. I am going to do the last of the injections until Sunday and maybe I'll reach the under 200 mark.

VLCD 42 (R1 P2 ): 207.9 (restarted injections)

I'm calling it Day 42 because Sunday and Monday were a complete bust and were definitely not VLCD. One bite led to another and before I knew it I was saying "WTH - I might as well eat what I want". I paid the price and gained over 6 pounds. I am back on protocol today and took injections Monday and today. I will finish up the rest of them by the end of the week ( I have to count exactly how many are left) and then I'll go from there. The emotions of the past of having to eat to feel good came back and engulfed me.
I could easily have eaten just P3 foods as there was a huge selection to choose from but no, stupid me decided not to. It's a choice. It's a choice to remain strong in your convictions that looking good is better than shoving some short-lived sensations of food into your body. But the choice I made was to be weak and the 6.6 pounds is the price I pay. I am not going to feel like a failure. It was a set-back and today it was easy to get back on protocol and I'm not hungry at all. It's like I did two loading days. I hope to be back where I was by the weekend and then I'll start P3. I'm scared of P3 because P2 is safe. You know exactly what you will eat and that's it, that's all.

VLCD 41 ( R1 P2 ) Day 3 no injection

Thanks everyone for your comments on how to proceed given that I have about 12 injection needles left. I appreciate all the information.

So today I'm at 201.3. I had to look twice because I confused the 1 for a 7 and said WTH but my eyesight is bad without contacts in!

Tomorrow is the anticipated start of P3. The kids wanted to go the the brunch at a casino resort hotel where they have a brunch n' swim but I forgot to call and reserve. So, I made reservation at a dinner buffet for tomorrow evening at 5. I was lucky to get the reservation - I really need to get more organized. My car is in for the snow tire removal so we are going to walk to the mall. It's about a 3K walk. The weather here is just crazy. We had no snow in March and yesterday and today are 28 degrees celcius plus the humidex. This is record temperatures not ever seen during all the years since the beginning of weather tracking. It's quite possible that it will go back to below zero by next week.

I need to tone up my arms. I can wear much smaller tighter shirts which is nice but I am embarassed of my arms. I have always had a much smaller lower body and I can now fit into size 14 pants but my upper body is a size bigger and I have the arm fat issues. I have push up bars that I may use to try to tone my arms. I don't know if it will do anything or if I have to just wait for the fat to naturally disolve itself. I don't know if it will because the skin is loose. It is a strange place to have so much loose fat.

Well I won't get down about that. I will wear one of those shrug light material sweaters and it will cover it.

Have a great weekend everybody.