R4 Load Day 2

Hi everyone. Been absent sinced October and had lots going on. Too much to get into here but mostly work related. Gained some weight - I can feel it. I maintained up until about November and then ate anything and everything I wanted to. The Christmas season seemed to be one buffet after another and then when you cross that line and you feel you've gone to far you just keep going. I have avoided the scale for the past month but I'm figuring I've regained about 20. I have not idea what I weigh. My pants don't fit and I'm wearing one or two pairs that I had put in the "keep" pile because I had wanted to take them in.

So tomorrow is Day 1 of VLCD. I will weigh next Mondy morning and see if my pants will fit better. Sounds strange but I don't want to see the number. I've been keeping up on everyones' blogs lately and just want to say that I am throwing my hat back in the ring and looking foward t0 being part of the HCG community again.

R3 P2 VLCD 4 : 203.9

Well it's day 4 and I'm down 7.1 pounds. That's only half of the14 pound loading gain lost but I'll take it.

I am still disgusted at myself that I went back up over 200 again all the way to 211 with the loading. I had been stabilized between 190-195 before the loading. Oh well. I still have 39 injections left. So enough time to get back make some good headway into the lower decades of numbers. Something in the 180's would be nice.

I had to defer my trip to San Fran to write the bar exam. It really bothers me that I'm not prepared and I'm losing quite a hefty registration fee. But I will register again for next June. With starting the new job and trying to prove myself to the new director and juggling all the craziness I wasn't able to get in all the study that is required and I definitely know that I'm not prepared enough to write that exam and get a passing mark. I think it would be worse if I wrote it and failed. I am still really disappointed in myself though. I know I shouldn't be but having a plan and not seeing it through really eats at my core. It came to a point of paying attention to my 3 girls and spending time with them or locking myself in a quiet room all night after work to study. My children had to come first. So on to plan B and I have 7 months to spread out the study that needs to get done. I have to be strict and plan accordingly to stick to the schedule.

Welcome to the new HCG community members. Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. It helps to know that you have people rooting for you that know the drill.

Sending good releasing and/or stabilizing vibesto everyone.

P.S. has anyone heard of the clothing brand BENCH? All 11 year-olds are into that now and I just can't believe the prices they charge for the poor quality. Oh well. $89 plus tax later. I finally gave in because her marks are all A+ and she's been helping at home. She's estatic to wear it to school tomorrow.

R3 P2 - VLCD 1

OMG - I gained 14 pounds over three days of loading. Please say it isn't so. I almost had a heart attack looking at the number this morning. I tried it about 10 times with the scale in all different places and even reset it a few times. I could understand if I ate everthing in sight but I thought I was being conservative!!

Today is R3 P2 VLCD 1. I am just in shock and freaking out. I was hovering around 195 -196ish since the end of the last round. I was going to start last week but I have been sick with a cold that just won't go away for about two weeks now. So it's only the past few days that I feel better enough. I didn't want to start a new round in the middle of being sick.

So anyways, it will take me half a round or more just to lose this!!!!! What am I to do??? Is it even possible to gain 14 pounds loading? Granted I did a third day of loading but still. I am going to down about 6 litres of water today and pray to see a much lower number on that scales tomorrow morning.

Day 2 ( R2 P3 ) 191.5

Hi folks,
My apologies for the absenteeism. Things have been crazy busy especially with my new position at work. I sometimes regret taking on this job even though it was a promotion because it is one of those jobs that is analagous to a *fixer-upper* house. Lots of issues to resolve and no budget or resources to do that. Put I am plugging away and keeping the possibility of other options open. Ive been trying to check in on you guys now and then and am wishing good losing or stabilizing vibes to everyone.

The weight I have decided to start P3 with is 191.5. I did see 188 on the scales but I kept hovering between 188 and 192 mostly losing the same 4 pounds over and over again in the last week or so. Being itchy as all hell doesnt help and I am going to a dermatologist next week because Im convinced Ive contracted fleas or cooties or something but its just on my inside forearms, neck, side of my face and head. Very bizarre but you know its bad when you actually have to go to the washroom so that you can scratch in private. Its gotten that bad.

So I am happy with 191.5. It makes an official 40 pounds lost. This is the smallest I have been in a long long time. And now to get to a goal of 145 I only have 46.5 pounds left to lose. Thats a far cry from the 125 pounds I had to lose when i was at an all time high of 269.9.

So even though I have only lost 7.1 pounds on R2 those 7.1 pounds were hard earned through blood sweat and tears. Ok well maybe not blood but the point is Ive made it through, my eating habits have changed for the better and I have so much more self control. The bonus is that I am getting further and further away from the 200 mark and at 191.5 its quite possible that I will never see it again.

We went to an exhibition yesterday which I guess is similar to a county fair and I had a sausage no bun. I was able to avoid all the carnival foods and even though the smells were so tempting I was okay with my sausage and some cashews. Thats a huge improvement - actually a gazillion times better than last summer.

I booked my registration for the baby bar exam on October 26th in Oakland. I am looking for a good deal on a flight but the more I read about Oakland I wish I had picked Los Angeles as the test centre instead. I thought Oakland would be nice because its so close to San Fran but the more i read about the high crime rate, Im starting to get anxiety about staying there and about my safety. Has anyone ever been to Oakland and if so, is it really as bad as Im reading about...

Sending good loss or stabilitzation vibes to everyone.

VLCD 24 ( R2 P2 ) : 196.9

Things are going well - I started protocol strictly on Monday and am remaining strong.

I have 16 injections left and want to slavage the end of this round and make the most of it. round. I will post again when I reach 189 - hopefully soon and that will be wonderful. 186 would be ideal but we'll see - not sure what this body can do.

Has anyone experienced itchiness on protocol. I did in the first round and now it's gotten worse. When I was pregnant with my third child I was so itchy I felt like my skin was crawling. Could it be the hcg in both situations? Not sure but I wish it would subside.

Sending good loss or stabiliziation vibes to everyone.

VLCD 22 ( R2 P2 ): 199.8

It's not 200 but close. Today is day 5 of TOM. On Friday night I got home and was so tired but we brought my 7 year old to her soccer game and I ate P2 clean. I went immediately to bed after that. Saturday I was still very lethargic and was trying to clean my house for the in-laws' arrival on Sunday. I had that *am I about to throw up feeling* and a sore throat all day and didn't eat anything. I had not injected since Wednesday. The mistake I made was waking up Saturday evening absolutely starving and the kids wanted my time after being with dad all day and it was dinner time. I took them to the park and then for a slice of pizza. I ate a slice of pizza with them. Sunday morning I woke up to a gain and then thought wth - since my inlaws are coming I might as well enjoy the dinner out with them. They arrived late and we ended up going to a Chinese buffet instead of the restaurant down town. Then after that I went to the drug store for Tylenol and bought a chocolate bar x2. This morning I had wicked heartburn and the sad thing is that nothing I ated tasted good. It was all *blah* with no real taste at all. I don't know if I'm sick or what but the food was not *enticing* like it used to be. It just all tasted bland and I was full right away after eating not too much.

I injected this morning and have 18 injections left. I declined lunch out today for a co-worker's celebratory good wishes for her transfer to another department. If she was leaving the company I would go but she's still in the building and I will still see her often. But, I don't want to try to find something P2 to eat at the Texan food restaurant - they're all going to Lone Star - fajitas, enchilladas etc., chips and salsa etc.

So with 18 injections left (counted them this morning), I am putting up the steel curtain zone of committment ( i adapted this term from the blog Daily Diary of a Winning Loser). I don't like to be depressing on this blog but I started writing for the accountability and want to be honest about my journey. Life has it's ups and downs and even though I felt *down* and still do (it's hormonal) and tired and worn out, I will not quit.

VLCD 18 ( R1 P2 ): 195.9

Arrrghhh - it seems like I've been plateauing in the mid '90's for quite some time now. Don't get me wrong - I am soooo glad to be out of the 200's but I want to get further and further away from that number.

I had a garden chicken salad at Pizza Hut last night and there were some croutons in it. I think that may be the problem here is that I need to be SUPER strict. That's the plan. I'm trying so hard to stay strong but it's the little slip-ups that cause the stalling. I skipped an injection today just in case as so far I didn't skip one a week like I had done in R1.

Sending good loss or stabilization vibes to everyone.

VLCD 16 ( R2 P2 ) : 196.2

Back to work today after a long weekend. It sure was hard to get out of bed this morning - I always overwork myself on weekends. My 2 year-old fell out of my bed this morning at 4 am and really banged her head hard. I stayed up since 4am because I wanted to check on her to make sure she was alright.

I felt my stomach rumbling and was actually physically hungry. But I didn't bother to eat anything. I just thought it would led to overeating so I layed next to her in bed wide awake and hungry. It will be early to bed tonight for sure.

VLCD 15 ( R2 P2 ) : 196.9

Today is my 2nd wedding anniversary we got married in Vegas two years ago today. My only regret is that I wore a black short sleeve dress to our wedding. I thought I could buy something to wear when we got there but at the time I was about 223 pounds and really couldnt find anything good to wear that wasnt sleeveless so I had to wear a dress from my suitcase. My youngest was six months at the time so it was kind of an unplanned trip. I just got too frustrated shopping for a dress and I just thought I looked too fat in whatever I tried on - everything was sleeveless. I can not wear sleeveless because I have abnormal flab on the tops of my arms -it almost looks like the skin that a turkey has on its chin. So anyways I cannot dwell on that. I thought I looked nice despite the fact that it is probably not good superstitious wise to get married in black. The photos turned out nice and I wore high heeled silver sandals. We went to dinner after the ceremony at Les Auberges in the Paris hotel and then went to see the Eiffel tower - very cool.

My favourite flower is the Sunflower and I awoke to some really nice ones in the kitchen in a vase with a beautiful card. It has been a rough two years but we are really working on working through our issues and are still together suprisingly.

The offer was to go for a steak dinner at the Keg. It is a civic holiday here in Ontario today so it would have been nice but I declined because I just do not want to be tempted with overeating. Yes, I could order an 8 oz steak and cut it in half and have salad or veggies on the side but I do not know what they put on steak and I do not trust that it will be *protocol clean* if I make a special order. Plus we had bbq steak last night I put away 3.5 oz for dinner againt tonight.

I have been painting my daughters room since about 11 this morning and am sweating like a bulldog. I need to buy an edger but all the stores are closed today. So I have left the edges at the top and bottom until I can buy one. I am not skilled enought to just use a brush and not get it on the baseboards and ceiling. She will be home from camp next Sunday and I want to surprise her. So I have some time to do the finishing touches before then. She wanted blue because she says she is not into the *girly* pink. I am just hoping it does not end up looking like a baby boys nursery with the blue that I have chosen. I got her a new duvet cover and a beautiful blue lamp so it should look alright when I am done.

So back to guzzling water now. I feel like I should be further along with the weight loss but I am taking it for what it is considering that I had a previous failed attempt at P2 and went up to 207 with the loading. One day at a time is all I keep thinking. I am eating clean and it will be slow but sure. (sorry for the bad grammar - i cannot use apostrophes on this damned laptop - have not figured out how to change the language settings from french to english yet!!!)

Sending good loss or stabilizing vibes to everyone.

VLCD 13 ( R2 P2 ) :197.7

It was nice to see the drop. It is true that seeing a lower number sets the tone for a good day. It is hard not to make it abot the numbers on the scale when you have to weigh every morning.

Kate http://kateonedayatatime.blogspot.com/left a reference on her blog to Melissa Blake's blog http://melissabxoxo.blogspot.com/2010/07/love-lounge-i-vow.html and on it i found the following inspiration.


Basically it summarized the vows we make to others: on our wedding day, to our career, to our family but we never make personal vows to ourselves. She vows the following (direct quote from her blog): " ...to be happy, my way, to live a life filled with love, to continue learning to be happy with myself. "

I also want to make this vow to myself and to add that I vow to have confidence in myself and my ability and to remain true to who I am and the stronger, healthier woman that I am continually working on becoming.


Hope you are having a wonderful weekend and sending good loss and/or stabilizing vibes to everyone.

VLCD 11 (R2 P2) 199.9

The scale said 199.9 today. I'm pleased to be back in the lands of the one's! My body seems to love this number and anywhere between 199 and 202. I think that is my body's preferred stabilization place.

The lowest I ever was in recent years was 204 lbs in June 2006 after being on 1500 calorie diet strictly. I had lost 43 pounds coming down from 247. So maybe that's why it's comfortable at 199. Don't know the physiology behind it.

Here's the history:
Highest weight ever: 269.9 in June 2001 when my first child was 22 months.
Stayed around 247 for a long time (2004-2005)
Went down to 204 (June 2006)
Start of HCG R1P2 - 230.5 (February 2010)
End of R1P2 - 198.6 (March 2010)
Start of R2P2 - 206.5 (July 2010)

Current Weight: 199.9

The lowest number I've seen so far on protocol is 194.3. That was during my inital botched attempt at R2P2. So I need to get this body used to a new stabilizing weight. It's just too comfortable teetering on 199 and casually crossing the border back over the 200 mark!!

VLCD 10 ( R2 P2 ) : 201.4

Am pleased with the 1.5 pound drop. Am staying strong on protocol and drinking lots of water.

Gloria left me a comment about EFT(Emotional Freedom Technique) - thanks Gloria! I had never heard of it but did some research and it was exactly what I was looking for. Basically EFT is alternative psychotherapy techniques that purports to manipulate the bodys energy field by tapping on specific acupuncture techniques while a specific traumatic memory is focused on or triggered (for example, memories of childhood criticism), in order to alleviate a psychological problem.

My favourite is the following: Have yourself little math problems. Emotion comes from the right side of the brain and doing simple little mathematics like addition and subtraction will activate the left side and cause circumvention to the emotional response that you are having.

I have to learn to stop the reaction of crying which starts with the lump in my throat when I am confronted with criticism. It happens spontaneously and I really need to have a tactic in case it ever happens to me again. It has happened several times over my life span and I cannot let it happen again especially at a place like work. It has never happened ever at work before but I want to be able to control it in all situations. So I am now armed with these techniques which I will definitely remember.

Sending good vibes for loss or stabilization to everyone!

VLCD 9 ( R2 P2 ): 202.9

I am calling this Day 9 even though if I had stayed on protocol it would have been day 13. After the fiasco last Thursday, I came off plan late that evening. So I took a break and stopped injecting. I started up with the injections yesterday (did not weight) and went back strictly on protocol this morning. So... I am considering this day 9.

I want to thank all of you for the supportive comments that you left me. It was tough for me. I took some time to put it into perspective and I walked back into work on Monday confidently with my head up. I am going to chalk it up to looking at the source. I have documented everything and filed it in case I need it for future use. If similar comments are made to me a second time then I would have the basis for a human rights commission complaint.

So back to guzzling water. I forgot to eat lunch today - I seriously was not hungry and actually forgot to eat. This evening I was still not hungry but ate anyways. I am pleased with the Ovidac brand and I am hoping to stay strong and salvage this round and get into the 180s.

Sending good loss or stabilizing vibes to everyone. Thanks again for all the support - you guys are the best and I am so thankful to be part of this community of wonderful strong compassionate women.

p.s. Meli, if you are reading this I have tried to leave a comment for you yesterday and today. I do not know if it is just me, but I cannot post the comment because there is no space to enter the word verification.

VLCD 8 ( R2 P2 ) 198.1

I cried until my teeth hurt, my jaw hurt and my eyes were on fire. I was schocked, confused, hurt, bewildered, embarassed, and doubtful and felt in a place where I had lost all control. The message was: *tell her to cover up - it sends the wrong message*

The image on the side is what I wore to work yesterday ( I took the pic at day end to prove it) and here is what happened. I had meeting at 9am, then another meeting with an outside supplier and my director from 10 - 12:40. I then wolfed down a small piece of grilled chicken with tomato on top that I bought from the buffeteria. I sat at my desk trying to print out papers that I would need for a 1 pm meeting hosted by my new general manager and his team.

I was tired. The meeting ended at 3:40. A bit later I crossed paths with my new director in the hall and he asked to meet. At the meeting he told me how well I am doing in the new job and that he is impressed with me etc.etc. etc. BUT........ he had a message that he was asked to convey to me from the general manager. The message was *tell her to cover up and do not dare come to the meeting on Monday with the VP dressed like that - it sends the wrong message* . I sat there in shock. At first I tried to remain stone faced. I felt myself spacing out and wanting to crawl into a hole. Then I felt it in my throat - I knew it was coming. The tears started to well in my eyes. I told myself to stop and just make an excuse and run. But it was too late. The crying started. I sat there apologizing for crying. I just kept thinking how dare this GM ask my director to come tell me this. The director said that he was suprised to hear this and did not know what to do but he had to tell me. He said the GM is *old school* and very conservative. From my impression he is just a big political blowhart that likes to hear himself drone on and on in front of an audience. The director said he got a female directors opinion before coming to see me. She said she was very suprised to hear this about me because she had known me for a long time and never thought I dressed inappropriately. Now I am MAD. I have lost sleep over this and awoke at 4:30 this morning and started crying again. The only thing I can think of is that maybe when I sat down my dress showed cleavage. I had a white shrug sweater on the whole day- I never took it off because the dress is sleeveless and I do not like my arms.

I kept thinking that not only was it not good enough that I am saving their ass by accepting this promotion and will be able to deliver a lot to their function but they were attacking me on a personal level. It opened up unhealed scabs and wounds of being criticized my whole life for being fat, for not being good enough. It was taken as an attack on my personal being. The emotions it awoke in me are just something I cannot deal with on a rational level. For so long, I did not look *sylish* at work. I always wore plus-sized clothing that was too big and now, jsut when I am feeling better about myself I have some old geizer attacking my appearance. I caught him looking at me during the meeting and he gives me the serious hebejeebeez. I hate him that he asked the director to come tell me. I said * why did he not just tell me this himself*. And I was told * oh no - he would never do that. He respects the hierarchy* Asshole. What do I do with the new dresses I have bought. They are not inappropriate - I am not an idiot. I know what wardrobe protocol is.

This whole incident has made me feel dirty, sleazy and embarassed. What a good way to get off on good terms with my director- standing there crying like a bumbling fool in his office.

I no longer want to apologize for how I look. I have felt ashamed for too long. I want to be respected but it seems like my dresscode according to this GM will not get me his respect or according to him anyone elses respect.

I am rambling. I am still embarassed and hurting over this. I stayed strong on protocol until about 11 pm last night promising myself that I would not turn to food. But at 11 pm I broke down and ate what I shouldnt - I will pay for the scale gain tomorrow. Damn him for this situation. Thanks for reading and letting me vent.

VLCD 5 ( R2 P2 ): 199.9

OMG - I had two soft drinks yesterday that were poured by someone else. I drank diet pepsi all through R1 P2 and it worked out okay for me. However....yesterday afternoon when I was at my mom's house watching the kids swim in her pool, my sister offered me a drink. I asked for Diet Pepsi with ice in a glass and only later found out when I saw the cans inside on the counter that it was *regular* pepsi. I almost flipped out and the scales reflected the gain this morning because yesterday I was at 197.6. Lesson learned. Anything I drink from now on will be verified by me first.

VLCD 3 (R2 P2 ) 199.8

After two days of loading I went up to 207.4. OMG - I felt disgusted with myself. Now I am glad to report that there is a one in front of my weight again instead of a 2. I was only going to do two days of loading but on Wednesday evening I decided WTH because I had to go to dinner for a special occassion so I started VLCD 1 on Thursday instead.

I bought a new netbook computer yesterday because our desktop has recurring viruses and is not kind of caput. It is being repaired. With this netbook I feel like I am typing in a fishbowl - it is going to take some getting used to. I cannot type apostrophes or quotations or they show up as French accents. The keyboard is set to French Canadian language and I have to figure out how to change it. This is my second go at typing this post as I have already somehow deleted it the first time by mistake.

I received a Versatile Blogger award from Bunpoh @ The Angry Inch: A Weight Loss Odyssey. I am so honoured. The award comes with some guidelines.
1. Thank the person that gave you the award - Thank you, Bunpoh!
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Nominate 15 blogs that you have discovered recently- okay I cheated abit with this one because some of my 15 I have been reading for quite some time now.
4. Let the bloggers know that you have nominated them.

So here goes - 7 things:

1. I am Canadian - probably should be more of a proud Canadian but there are a lot of things that Canada could do better - we are seriously overtaxed to the hilt but I am grateful for universal healthcare and our gun laws.

2. I have three beautiful daughters - ages 2, 7 and almost 11.

3. I have been overweight ever since I can remember- since age 7 I think. I think the last time I ever saw under 200 pounds was when I was 17 and it wasn't much under. (I just figured out how to use apostrophes on this keyboard I think - yahoo)

4. My first two children are from a previous relationship of 7 years which ended in disaster and a long drawn out custody battle. He is completely out of the picture now which is a good thing. I am married to my husband who is the father of my youngest child and to my seven year old, he is her father. She doesn't know differently and I really don't know how I will deal with telling her if she does question it some day. My oldest daughter calls him by his first name and not dad. Too wierd - I know. We were married in Vegas which was very cool. We have a very rocky relationship but we're working on it. I've come to the realization that I have way more issues to deal with than I thought and losing this weight has brought a lot of them to the forefront and I am seriously working at them.

5. I smoke a pack of cigarettes a day - very very bad. I must think about quitting but not just yet.

6. I have a ton more aquaintances than actual friends. I think I may only have one good friend but I keep her at a distance and we see each other maybe once a month. I use the excuse that I don't have the time but this problem with friendships dates way back.

7. I just finished my first year law school and work full-time. Sometimes I think I am crazy but this is a goal that I wanted to start when I was 23 and I should have done it then but better later than never. I have alway been labelled a *gifted* learner so thank goodness studying comes easy for me.

Here are the blogs that I am passing the *Versatile Blogger Award * on to. I've tried to place them in alphabetical order because I enjoy reading all of them. The support and the encouragement that I have found on line through reading all of these wonderful blogs has been immeasurable in helping me so far. It`s just incredible the great people that are out there that although we are all *virtual* strangers we can connect and support each other.

A Day in the life of an HCG Dieter http://dayinlifehcg.blogspot.com/
Autumn’s Rosier Days http://autumnrose323.blogspot.com/
Fat to Fit Mommy http://www.fat2fitmommy.com/
HeyYou, Drop the Fork and Step Away from the Plate http://putthedamnforkdown.blogspot.com/
HCG Willpower http://hcgwillpower.blogspot.com/
HCG&Me on the Road to Find Out http://hcgandmeontheroadtofindout.blogspot.com/
Just me and My HCG http://maggie73.blogspot.com/
Journey to Me Via HCG http://journeytomeviahcg.blogspot.com/
Kathlean Again http://kathleanagain.blogspot.com/
Kym's Journey to Fit and Forty http://kymsjourney2.blogspot.com/
Mommy Gone Milf Via HCG http://mommygonemilf.blogspot.com/
Miss Mary's This and That http://missmarysravesandrants.blogspot.com/
Let it Be: A Smaller me http://darby-letitbeasmallerme.blogspot.com/
One Day at a Time http://kateonedayatatime.blogspot.com/
Random Thoughts and HCG http://therealhcg.blogspot.com/
Saving Me with HCG http://savingmewithhcg.blogspot.com/
Sie hat eimen Knutschfleck http://knutschfleck.blogspot.com/
Starting Life 25 Years Late http://startinglife25yearslate.blogspot.com/
The Real HCG Journey http://therealhcg.blogspot.com/

I am really not very technically literate so once I find out how to insert a hyperlink, I'll fix the links.

Sending good loss or stabilizing vibes to everyone.

All the injections are mixed - should I still call this R2?

Hello ladies and gentlemen. All the injections are mixed - 40 in total. The brand is Ovidac. For now they're sitting in an empty covered margarine container in the fridge but I think I'll freeze 20 of them. I've never frozen before but I've heard positive things about it.

I've had two days of loading. Not sure if I ate enough because I don't have that "ready to puke" feeling but I sure did eat a lot today. I am scared to get on the scale. But I will tomorrow morning and I'm hoping it's not too much damage.

I've had two failed attempts at semi-rounds of R2P2 ( which I'm pretty sure I can attribute to the hcg spray I bought off Ebay). But even so I think I will still call this round R2 again. I am determined to get as far away from 200 as possible this time. It's not good for the psyche when you rotate between the low to mid 190's and the low 200's.

Things are still kind of in transition between the old job and the new job and they will be for quite some time because I haven't reached the comfort level that I want to be at yet and things with Mr. K are not the greatest and require A LOT of energy and I am starting to feel out of control in a lot of areas again. I will have to maintain a super level of focus while studying for this upcoming bar exam and I don't want to gain any more weight while doing that. I really like the level of focus and determination that being on the protocol gave me. Being very strict with eating transfers over to getting other areas of my life organized and more focused. So here's to a successful R2P2!

Sending good loss and/or stabilization vibes to everyone...

Not too sure what day it should be !

I'm hovering anywhere between 198 and 202. I didn't post today's weight because the last time I weighed was Saturday and I was 199.
The package containing my injections arrived this week. It made it over the border past the customs militants in record time. It's Ovidac brand. Not sure what I used the first round as this protocol was all new to me then and I didn't realize that there are different brands. If anyone has any ratings (postive or negative) about Ovidac, I'd love to hear them. But I do know that I definitely prefer the injections. The spray really wasn't the best quality and I was super hungry for the last part of when I was taking it. I think the guy I bought it from cooked it up on a homemade chemistry set in his basement.

It's been a crazy time since I last posted. We went on a mini vacation to Canada's Wonderland (June 30 - July 2) and the girls loved it. It was TONS of walking because the amusement park was huge. They're trying to copy Disney in every way and they're doing a great job of it. The only thing is that the food on site was soooo expensive. For example a slice of pizza was $12. The second day we went off site to eat when I realized that the day parking pass included "in/out" privileges.

I started my new job officially June 30th even though I was off that day. It's been stressful as I'm still in the transition between old job and new job and still sitting in the same place on the same floor - jsut making more money and reporting to a new director. I really like my new director so far but it's a lot of change to take in and they have a lot of expectations for this role and I just hope I can live up to it.

My in-laws are coming to visit for a few days starting tomorrow and one of my bathrooms is still all torn up with the door locked because we can't afford to finish the reno right now. I also have to decide if I will fly to San Fran in late October to write the 1st year law school bar exam. The registration fee is $650 plus another $800 for my flight and hotel. I have until July 31 to register and make the decision if I will have enough time to study and be sure that I will pass because I don't want to go through all the effort and money if I don't pass. I passed the first year of law school. Not sure how I did it with all the stress and three screaming but beautiful kids and losing weight but I think being on the protocol and being in that strict mindset really helped with the focusing on the study. So I'm quite proud of the achievement. Three more years to go.

I enjoy reading all of your blogs and the community of support. So keep up the great work ladies/gentlement (well mostly ladies!) and I'm sending you all good vibes for loss or stabilitzation!

So...it's not the best time to be on protocol P2 right now and be able to dedicate the energy and mental state that it requires to be dedicated and strict. TOM is due any time now so I will decide if I will start P2 after that.

VLCD 24 ( R2 P2 ) 195.6

I would recommend to the entire HCG community NOT to order HCG spray. I really don't know what's in it but it's not working for me. Some days I'm fine and then other days by the evening I'm absolutely RAVENOUS. I haven't lost any more weight and I'm tired and frustrated and I think it's time to call it quits for R2P2. I will try to do my three days of no hcg spray and then get on P3. I'm taking the kids on a mini vacation on Tuesday. W e will stay for Canada Day (July 1) and then maybe a few more days at a hotel. I got my tax refund back so we have a bit of *mad* money to play with.

I ordered a new batch of HCG injections and am waiting for them to arrive. I am really hoping the package makes it through customs.

Father's day was last Sunday and for some reason it really affected me this year whereas other years I kind of just put it out of my mind. My father is living and lives close to me so is still in my life but I never had in the past as a child or currently as an adult a relationship with my father. He was always *jsut there* but I was never close to him. We never talked, we always disagreed and being the oldest of five children I had a lot of resentment towards him. He was mean, volatile and just a miserable person in general. As a grandfather he is much better with my children than he was with us kids as a father. But for some reason it still lingers and stings and Sunday I took it hard. Maybe part of it was hormonal but I long for the *what if's* and what it *could* have been like and what I missed out on by not having a good father-daughter relationship. I didn't cheat on protocol that day but it set the tone for the rest of the week.

On a more positive note, I finally signed my letter for my new position and work and the director gave me a 12% increase. I'm going way out of my comfort zone with this new job and the anticipation of change and the fear of not measuring up to the expectations that they have for me in this new role is causing me to internalize some stress. Plus being *really* hungry every night doesn't help. I've been having a handful of potato chips or some extra protein or an extra fruit and it's stalled the weight loss. Plus the sunburn I had and all the lotion I slathered on also caused a bit of a gain but definitely stalled any loss.

So, I'll be on P3 for a while I think. Or unless I take an interruption and get right back on P2 when my new shipment of injections arrrive. We'll see. But I definitley don't want to gain back any of the weight lost in R1 so I'm going to plan accordingly.

Sorry for the long post and congrats if you've made it this far. Just sort of rambling. Have lots of change going on now and am entering some new unchartered territory while at the same time dealing with the past. I still have at *least* 40 pounds to go and will get there. Slowly but surely.

VLCD 18 ( R2 P2 ) : 193.8

Another 0.6 pound loss - I'll take it.

Spent today at the waterslide park again - I'm so glad I bought the season pass. The girls love it there. I pack them a cooler and a ton of water for me. I brought them subway today so there was no extra food for me to be tempted by. It was great exercise walking up the steep hills but I can really feel my muscles are weak. I guess that is to be expected as per what it says in the protocol.

I sprayed on a ton of SPF 35 so that I wouldn't get burnt again. I hope that the spray doesn't have an affect on the weight loss. It's going down slowly but surely.