R4 Load Day 2

Hi everyone. Been absent sinced October and had lots going on. Too much to get into here but mostly work related. Gained some weight - I can feel it. I maintained up until about November and then ate anything and everything I wanted to. The Christmas season seemed to be one buffet after another and then when you cross that line and you feel you've gone to far you just keep going. I have avoided the scale for the past month but I'm figuring I've regained about 20. I have not idea what I weigh. My pants don't fit and I'm wearing one or two pairs that I had put in the "keep" pile because I had wanted to take them in.

So tomorrow is Day 1 of VLCD. I will weigh next Mondy morning and see if my pants will fit better. Sounds strange but I don't want to see the number. I've been keeping up on everyones' blogs lately and just want to say that I am throwing my hat back in the ring and looking foward t0 being part of the HCG community again.

R3 P2 VLCD 4 : 203.9

Well it's day 4 and I'm down 7.1 pounds. That's only half of the14 pound loading gain lost but I'll take it.

I am still disgusted at myself that I went back up over 200 again all the way to 211 with the loading. I had been stabilized between 190-195 before the loading. Oh well. I still have 39 injections left. So enough time to get back make some good headway into the lower decades of numbers. Something in the 180's would be nice.

I had to defer my trip to San Fran to write the bar exam. It really bothers me that I'm not prepared and I'm losing quite a hefty registration fee. But I will register again for next June. With starting the new job and trying to prove myself to the new director and juggling all the craziness I wasn't able to get in all the study that is required and I definitely know that I'm not prepared enough to write that exam and get a passing mark. I think it would be worse if I wrote it and failed. I am still really disappointed in myself though. I know I shouldn't be but having a plan and not seeing it through really eats at my core. It came to a point of paying attention to my 3 girls and spending time with them or locking myself in a quiet room all night after work to study. My children had to come first. So on to plan B and I have 7 months to spread out the study that needs to get done. I have to be strict and plan accordingly to stick to the schedule.

Welcome to the new HCG community members. Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. It helps to know that you have people rooting for you that know the drill.

Sending good releasing and/or stabilizing vibesto everyone.

P.S. has anyone heard of the clothing brand BENCH? All 11 year-olds are into that now and I just can't believe the prices they charge for the poor quality. Oh well. $89 plus tax later. I finally gave in because her marks are all A+ and she's been helping at home. She's estatic to wear it to school tomorrow.

R3 P2 - VLCD 1

OMG - I gained 14 pounds over three days of loading. Please say it isn't so. I almost had a heart attack looking at the number this morning. I tried it about 10 times with the scale in all different places and even reset it a few times. I could understand if I ate everthing in sight but I thought I was being conservative!!

Today is R3 P2 VLCD 1. I am just in shock and freaking out. I was hovering around 195 -196ish since the end of the last round. I was going to start last week but I have been sick with a cold that just won't go away for about two weeks now. So it's only the past few days that I feel better enough. I didn't want to start a new round in the middle of being sick.

So anyways, it will take me half a round or more just to lose this!!!!! What am I to do??? Is it even possible to gain 14 pounds loading? Granted I did a third day of loading but still. I am going to down about 6 litres of water today and pray to see a much lower number on that scales tomorrow morning.

Day 2 ( R2 P3 ) 191.5

Hi folks,
My apologies for the absenteeism. Things have been crazy busy especially with my new position at work. I sometimes regret taking on this job even though it was a promotion because it is one of those jobs that is analagous to a *fixer-upper* house. Lots of issues to resolve and no budget or resources to do that. Put I am plugging away and keeping the possibility of other options open. Ive been trying to check in on you guys now and then and am wishing good losing or stabilizing vibes to everyone.

The weight I have decided to start P3 with is 191.5. I did see 188 on the scales but I kept hovering between 188 and 192 mostly losing the same 4 pounds over and over again in the last week or so. Being itchy as all hell doesnt help and I am going to a dermatologist next week because Im convinced Ive contracted fleas or cooties or something but its just on my inside forearms, neck, side of my face and head. Very bizarre but you know its bad when you actually have to go to the washroom so that you can scratch in private. Its gotten that bad.

So I am happy with 191.5. It makes an official 40 pounds lost. This is the smallest I have been in a long long time. And now to get to a goal of 145 I only have 46.5 pounds left to lose. Thats a far cry from the 125 pounds I had to lose when i was at an all time high of 269.9.

So even though I have only lost 7.1 pounds on R2 those 7.1 pounds were hard earned through blood sweat and tears. Ok well maybe not blood but the point is Ive made it through, my eating habits have changed for the better and I have so much more self control. The bonus is that I am getting further and further away from the 200 mark and at 191.5 its quite possible that I will never see it again.

We went to an exhibition yesterday which I guess is similar to a county fair and I had a sausage no bun. I was able to avoid all the carnival foods and even though the smells were so tempting I was okay with my sausage and some cashews. Thats a huge improvement - actually a gazillion times better than last summer.

I booked my registration for the baby bar exam on October 26th in Oakland. I am looking for a good deal on a flight but the more I read about Oakland I wish I had picked Los Angeles as the test centre instead. I thought Oakland would be nice because its so close to San Fran but the more i read about the high crime rate, Im starting to get anxiety about staying there and about my safety. Has anyone ever been to Oakland and if so, is it really as bad as Im reading about...

Sending good loss or stabilitzation vibes to everyone.

VLCD 24 ( R2 P2 ) : 196.9

Things are going well - I started protocol strictly on Monday and am remaining strong.

I have 16 injections left and want to slavage the end of this round and make the most of it. round. I will post again when I reach 189 - hopefully soon and that will be wonderful. 186 would be ideal but we'll see - not sure what this body can do.

Has anyone experienced itchiness on protocol. I did in the first round and now it's gotten worse. When I was pregnant with my third child I was so itchy I felt like my skin was crawling. Could it be the hcg in both situations? Not sure but I wish it would subside.

Sending good loss or stabiliziation vibes to everyone.

VLCD 22 ( R2 P2 ): 199.8

It's not 200 but close. Today is day 5 of TOM. On Friday night I got home and was so tired but we brought my 7 year old to her soccer game and I ate P2 clean. I went immediately to bed after that. Saturday I was still very lethargic and was trying to clean my house for the in-laws' arrival on Sunday. I had that *am I about to throw up feeling* and a sore throat all day and didn't eat anything. I had not injected since Wednesday. The mistake I made was waking up Saturday evening absolutely starving and the kids wanted my time after being with dad all day and it was dinner time. I took them to the park and then for a slice of pizza. I ate a slice of pizza with them. Sunday morning I woke up to a gain and then thought wth - since my inlaws are coming I might as well enjoy the dinner out with them. They arrived late and we ended up going to a Chinese buffet instead of the restaurant down town. Then after that I went to the drug store for Tylenol and bought a chocolate bar x2. This morning I had wicked heartburn and the sad thing is that nothing I ated tasted good. It was all *blah* with no real taste at all. I don't know if I'm sick or what but the food was not *enticing* like it used to be. It just all tasted bland and I was full right away after eating not too much.

I injected this morning and have 18 injections left. I declined lunch out today for a co-worker's celebratory good wishes for her transfer to another department. If she was leaving the company I would go but she's still in the building and I will still see her often. But, I don't want to try to find something P2 to eat at the Texan food restaurant - they're all going to Lone Star - fajitas, enchilladas etc., chips and salsa etc.

So with 18 injections left (counted them this morning), I am putting up the steel curtain zone of committment ( i adapted this term from the blog Daily Diary of a Winning Loser). I don't like to be depressing on this blog but I started writing for the accountability and want to be honest about my journey. Life has it's ups and downs and even though I felt *down* and still do (it's hormonal) and tired and worn out, I will not quit.

VLCD 18 ( R1 P2 ): 195.9

Arrrghhh - it seems like I've been plateauing in the mid '90's for quite some time now. Don't get me wrong - I am soooo glad to be out of the 200's but I want to get further and further away from that number.

I had a garden chicken salad at Pizza Hut last night and there were some croutons in it. I think that may be the problem here is that I need to be SUPER strict. That's the plan. I'm trying so hard to stay strong but it's the little slip-ups that cause the stalling. I skipped an injection today just in case as so far I didn't skip one a week like I had done in R1.

Sending good loss or stabilization vibes to everyone.